


I was dreaming, but I should've been with you instead.

by stefonzolesky



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: I feel like I'm betraying blunder because I am, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, because I'm a slut for wham!, jbj/mark goes away pretty quickly, title from wake me up before you go-go, trans gob, trans jbj
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 10:45:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12886227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stefonzolesky/pseuds/stefonzolesky
Summary: at the end of the day, we both know that you already have everything that you need.





	I was dreaming, but I should've been with you instead.

Sometimes Gob forgets who he is versus who he wants to be. Sometimes he forgets to blink and his eyes sting when he finally closes them.

It’s on days like these that he cancels on Tony. He can’t stand to see himself in the mirror, so why should Tony have to look at him? Tony pretends to understand, but the look in his eyes says that he doesn’t, and he knows he can’t. Maybe he wishes he does. Gob can never be sure. 

Michael still looks at him funny when he talks about it, like, _ “It’s been years, Gob, maybe it’s time you stop thinking about your body, everyone else has by now.” _ But Michael doesn’t get it, and he never will.

 

John Beard Jr. gets it. He tells Gob that while they’re sitting on the dock and JBJ has a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Gob plucks it from his lips and takes a drag. JBJ falls asleep with his head on Gob’s shoulder; the lines on his face are soft and his hair has grown to fall over his eyes a little bit, in gentle curls. Gob can see it, though he never would have known. He hopes that’s how it is for other people. If JBJ means anything, then maybe he’ll be alright. 

 

Sometimes Gob’s throat is sore from laughing. Sometimes it’s sore from crying. Sometimes Tony asks him about his past relationships and he isn’t sure how to answer. _ ”They were fine,” _  He says. “ _ Mostly girls. Some of them were lesbians. It could never work. _ ”

Sometimes Gob has phantom pains around his scars. One day JBJ puts glitter in his hair and calls him ‘pretty boy.’ It makes his stomach flip in some way that could be happiness just as easily as it could be discomfort. 

 

There’s a guy that Gob slept with years earlier, and he comes to his show at the Gothic Castle one day on account of Tony got him back into the Alliance somehow. He's now married to some guy named  Cashmere and they have three kids. It’s nice to know for once that he wasn’t just fucking around with straight guys and lesbians. There’s a girl that Gob slept with years earlier, and he runs into her at the grocery store after weeks of unhealthy eating and smoking all of JBJ’s cigarettes. She has a wife and two cats. It hurts like a punch to his gut that leaves him feeling shitty for the rest of the day.

He’s not sure how he ended up with Tony. They’re not exactly… together, but they’re something. And it’s an uncomfortable relationship because Tony isn’t really gay. Tony has a girlfriend, and she’s pretty, and Gob doesn’t think he deserves to date anyone. His mind races constantly. 

Nothing is official. He’s still got time.

 

JBJ tells Gob that he has a crush on Mark. The word ‘crush’ makes Gob laugh, but he gets it. Mark is just out of reach for JBJ. Tony is just out of reach for Gob.

JBJ has incredibly soft lips, incredibly soft skin. He’s delicate, but nothing about him says ‘girl.’ He has bruises on his chest, blisters from things rubbing the wrong way for hours on end. Gob sees himself in that. 

The phantom pains come back that night. JBJ doesn’t sneak out while he sleeps like Gob expects. It’s more of a pleasant surprise if anything. There’s always a stutter in JBJ’s breathing. Gob has only just corrected his.

There’s something unspoken between them, after that night. They’re too much alike to work, but they can get something out of it. 

 

Summer nights leave beads of sweat on Gob’s forehead and a half broken fan sitting across the room. The whirring is about to drive him crazy; it’s unsteady and it clicks and Gob feels like he physically can’t shut his eyes.

It’s not as easy to forget some things as he’d like it to be. He can’t take a pill and forget his body. He can’t take a pill and forget his father’s disappointment in him. He can’t take a pill and forget that he’s not the only relationship in Tony’s life, and he likely never will be. He  _ can _ take a pill and forget that he’s done it. He  _ can _ keep trying until even his normal smile is broken.

_ What an age we live in, right? _

The only reason Tony doesn’t confiscate his pills is that Gob likes to use the same argument against him: _ What if someone finds out how I do my illusions? _

He’s surprised it’s worked this long, but it’s all he’s got going for him at this point. He knows that Tony just wants what’s best for him, but his pills are his solace.

 

Some days, when Gob isolates himself, can be utterly macabre. He counts the cracks lining one of the walls.

He’s not exactly ready for a real relationship. He’s not sure when he will be. _"_ _ No scandals" _ rings in his head, over and over and over. 

The difference, he thinks, between him and JBJ is simple: JBJ doesn’t need other people’s approval, at least not the way Gob does. Gob wishes he had that. 

 

Tony talks about Sally a lot. It makes Gob wonder if Tony would love him had he been a girl. He doesn’t want to entertain the thought, but it sticks to the back of his mind until he spirals on the dock and JBJ finds him with only the edges of his fingers keeping him from going underwater. 

“Are you crazy?” JBJ hisses through his teeth. “It’s ass o’clock in the morning and you’re about to drown? You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

Gob manages a tight smile and tries to readjust his grip on the dock, nearly slipping a little further. “Yeah. Thanks for the concern. Help me up?”

JBJ eyes him suspiciously and then kneels down on the dock, extending a hand. “Careful,” He warns. “Don’t pull me in. These clothes are new and expensive.”  

Gob nearly falls trying to grab JBJ’s hand, but he manages to hoist himself back up to the dock. 

JBJ turns his nose up sarcastically once he drops Gob’s hand and stuffs his own in his pockets, making some quip or another about Gob soaking his shoes to keep the air light.

Gob deadpans a “thanks,” awkwardly trying to wring the water out of his shirt. “ _ I’m _ completely soaked. What are you even doing here?”

JBJ shrugs a little, hesitating before he sits down on a dry area of the dock. “I needed quiet. Were you planning on falling in?”

“Maybe?” Gob runs his hand through his hair. “I’m not sure. It’s been a rough few…”  _ Years. _ “Weeks. I wouldn’t have gone through with anything either way, so I don’t think it matters if I know.”

JBJ frowns, but he doesn’t push it. Instead, he pats the spot next to him on the dock. “Calm down a little, man. Catch your breath.”

Gob eyes him warily before he sits, slumping forward a little. JBJ sucks in a breath and then slips his hands under his own shirt. The only noise is the wind and the rustling of clothing.

Gob stares down at the wood in front of him. “Hey, man, how old are you?” He looks up to meet JBJ’s eyes.

JBJ presses his lips together awkwardly. “Twenty-nine later this year.”

Sometimes, Gob forgets JBJ is younger than him. He nods a little, and there’s a skip in JBJ’s breathing. Gob frowns discards his shirt to the dock next to him. He can never pinpoint whether silence is awkward or not. 

He wakes up the next morning with JBJ in his bed. He swears under his breath and reaches for his phone.

 

**Tony <3: ** hey gobie. you up to hang out today?

 

Gob hesitates before he responds.

 

To:  **Tony <3**

_ yeah sure thing _

_ what’s a good time? _

 

**Tony <3:** when’s the soonest?

 

To:  **Tony <3**

_ i’ll be at your place as soon as i can drop jbj off home _

_ he’s still asleep _

 

Gob realizes a little too late he probably shouldn’t have said anything about JBJ. He stares blankly at his screen until Tony responds.

 

**_Tony <3: _ ** _ sounds good _

 

He lets out a breath that he hadn’t realized he was holding and elects that it might be best to get dressed now. So he can get to Tony’s as soon as possible.

JBJ doesn’t wake up for another half hour. He stirs slowly and blinks a lot as he wakes, offering up a tired smile. “Can’t believe we did that again,” He mutters, and then a frown tugs on his lips. “Mark’s gonna be  _ so _ pissed at me _.” _

Gob gives him a sympathetic smile, because that’s all he can manage, and then gestures for him to get up. “I have to drop you off on the way to Tony’s.”

“You’re seeing Tony?” JBJ sits up, and his hair is wild around his head until he pushes it down with his hat. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I didn’t wanna be an asshole?” Gob reasons. “Come on, man, let’s just go.” 

JBJ gives Gob a toothy grin and pushes himself out of bed, though sleep is still heavy in his eyes. “I’m up, I’m up. Just… I’ll meet you in the car.”

Gob watches him carefully for a moment and then nods, heading out to start up his car. He leans back in his seat. The radio rings in his ears, but he isn’t  _ there _ enough to register what song is playing. Something takes him over during times like this. He loses track of time so he’s not sure if it’s been minutes or hours since he got in the car, and JBJ still isn’t there, and his chest is closing up a little bit, and--

He slams the radio off. His lungs feel restricted -- like-- like-- like-- like he’s _sixteen_ _again_ and it’s like-- like--

He can’t finish the thought, and he doesn’t want to. JBJ slams the car door when he gets in, and it makes Gob jump. He rolls down the window and lets his cigarette hang out the corner of his mouth as he tells Gob to drive. 

 

It’s like his body is on auto-pilot. His knuckles go white against the steering wheel. He’s sure JBJ is talking to him, but he can’t hear. He’s overwhelmed. It’s a shutdown.

JBJ gets out of the car without saying goodbye. He doesn’t zone back into the real world until he’s halfway to Tony’s house. He punches the radio on and loosens his grip on the steering wheel.

 

Tony gives Gob a tight smile when he gets inside. “Can I get you something to drink?” He shoves his hands in his pockets. Gob shrugs and shakes his head, and Tony’s tight smile falters. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Gob says, because he likes to think he is even though he knows that he’s really not. “I’m fine. Just…” He hesitates. “Tired.”

Tony stares at him for a little too long and then gestures for him to sit down. “Tired my ass,” He mumbles, taking a seat on the couch. “What’s up?”

Gob sits down, and he shrugs. His tongue feels swollen. “It’s nothing you wanna hear about,” He manages. “A personal problem. It’s not like I’m…” He hesitates.  _ Your boyfriend or anything. _ “Not okay.”

Tony caves. “Alright. I…” He cuts himself off and shakes his head. “Alright.”

Gob nods a little, his leg starting to bounce. “Besides,” He says. “You invited me over, I don’t wanna make anything… unpleasant. Or anything like that.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Tony tells him. “I actually… had something I wanted to talk to you about. I need your opinion.”

Gob’s head shoots up a little and he coughs by means of sounding nonchalant. “What’s that?” He cocks his head to the side a little, but he feels idiotic.

Tony wrings his hands in front of him, and then he blurts, “I think I’m gonna break up with Sally. Is… is that a bad idea?”

Gob tries not to look caught off guard. Or too giddy. Or… anything, really. He tries to stay neutral. Hope swells in his chest. “I-- I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been in an actual relationship since…”  _ Ann _ . “Her.”

Tony nods weakly. “I might… wait it out. If I still think it’s a good idea in a month or two…”  He trails off, obviously confused for a moment before he changes the subject. “You wanna watch a movie?”

Gob zones out staring at the screen. There’s a shirtless guy. Someone is angry. He can’t pay attention to much more than that.

 

A week later, Gob throws a stone off the dock. “Mark doesn’t know, does he?”

It’s four in the morning. JBJ violently prods at a bruise on his side and winces. “No,” He mutters, sniffing. There’s pollen around, and it’s got his nose red and raw. “Not yet. I’m not sure how to tell him without also revealing that I’m totally fuckin’ in love with him.”

“Easy.” Gob shrugs. “I did that with Tony, anyway. He’s got no idea that I… like him. I mean, he does, but he thinks I was faking it. And-- And I was! At first. But now I’m not, and--...” He cuts himself off. “Anyways.”

“Do you wanna talk about that?” JBJ manages a shaky laugh. “Seems like you’ve got a lot on your mind.”

“I’ve never been good at talking,” Gob admits. The words  _ ‘then don’t’ _ hang in the air, and JBJ mouths them like they’re in some shitty romance movie.

JBJ isn’t what Gob thinks that he wants, but he’ll do. They can settle, both of them, just for now. JBJ tastes like chapstick and he feels like a mistake, but at this point in his life, Gob couldn’t care less.

 

_ It’s dark. It’s always dark. He can’t remember when it wasn’t dark. _

_ He’s handcuffed, he’s stuck, he can’t move, he-- _

_ Tony turns on a light. Except he’s not Tony, he’s someone else. He’s Tony but he’s someone else. He’s smiling. It’s dark and he has the only light and he’s smiling. Gob’s own lips feel strained, tied and stuck, and he can’t do anything. _

_ Michael is telling him he’s better than this. It’s not dark anymore. Everything feels like his life is a lake and someone keeps putting their foot in it, fucking up the solidarity he’s settled into before it even happens. It’s dark again. It’s dark except it’s not dark, and Tony is there except he’s not Tony and Gob has never wanted to scream more than he has right now and-- _

 

He wakes up in a cold sweat to Tony shaking his shoulders. Memories flood back as he sucks in a breath. He’s shaking. It must be cold, it has to be cold, because he’s shaking. It’s the middle of summer. In California. He’s not cold. He’s shaking.

He stutters out some sort of apology, but it’s garbled and weak. Nothing like that has ever… happened before, it hasn’t.

Gob traces back his steps just so he can remember how he ended up at Tony’s house. Tony’s hand is on his shoulder. Tony’s shirt is tangled around his feet.

He sucks in a breath.

“Did you break up with Sally?” Are the first words out of his mouth. Tony blinks once. Twice. 

“No.” He looks away. His voice is soft, like he’s… ashamed, but Tony Wonder is never ashamed. “I’m still thinking about it.”

Gob takes a second to compose himself further. He still feels like something is suffocating him and he isn’t sure why. After a second, he finally has the energy to speak up. “How long do you plan on keeping this up?”

Tony shrugs. “I don’t think Sally cares. I mean, she… knows I slept with you, and--”

“She knows about the first time, you mean,” Gob points out. “She knows that you slept with me on Cinco. Does she know about anything after that.”

The word doesn’t even have to leave Tony’s lips for Gob to know the answer.  _ No. _ Of course not. Because he’s ashamed.

It’s really the only explanation. It’s the same reason Gob hasn’t told anyone.

(Except JBJ, but JBJ is different.)

“You’re gonna have to tell her at some point,” Gob mumbles. He can’t bring himself to say it any louder. “If I was still with…” Ann. “Bland. If I was still with Bland, I would have told her by now.”

Tony laughs. “You say that.” He rolls over, finally looking Gob in the eyes. “You say that, but you wouldn’t. It’s way harder than you think. I’ve come…  _ so close _ to telling her.”

Gob shuts his eyes. “But you haven’t done it. And that -- that’s why I’m just sleeping with you. That’s why it’s all this can be.”

“Did…” Tony hesitates. “Do you want it to be more than that?”

“No!” Gob’s eyes shoot open. “No, I mean. Yes, but…” His chest tightens. “Not if you’re straight, and not if you can’t tell Sally. I’ve got JBJ until then, and you…” He sighs and runs his hands down his face. “And you can take your time.”

Talking about his feelings isn’t something that Gob has ever been good at. With JBJ, it comes easier than it should. With Tony, it comes easier than he’d like. It feels like it  _ should _ be strained and uncomfortable, but it isn’t, which is just as off-putting, if not more.

 

“Why is your nose crooked?” JBJ asks him, his fingertips ghosting over the bridge of Gob’s nose. “Sorry.”

Gob shrugs, scrunching up his nose a little now that he’s been reminded of it. “Some kid beat me up in the guy’s bathroom at school when I was sixteen. Broke it. Now it’s crooked.”

JBJ nods, touching his own nose lightly as if he can feel Gob’s pain. “That sucks. When I was sixteen, I punched some kid in the face in the guy’s bathroom because he tried to kick me out.”

Gob lets out a sort of almost-laugh and sits up a little straighter. After a moment of thick silence, he tries to strike the conversation up again. “How’s everything with Mark?”

JBJ laughs bitterly, bringing his knees to his chest. The wood on the dock around his feet is wet. “It’s… something. Not really  _ going  _ anywhere _ ,  _ if that’s what you’re asking. He’s super pissed at me ‘cause I still hang out with you.”

Gob’s heart catches in his throat. “If… if you need to stop talking to me, for him… go ahead, I guess.”

“What?” JBJ coughs a little, his eyes shining with disbelief. “Are you crazy? Man, you’re, like, one of my best friends. I’m not ditching you just because Mark hates you.”

Relief swells in Gob’s chest.

“Besides,” JBJ continues. “I don’t want to have to change shit about my life for him. I might be head over heels, or whatever the fuck, but I think I need to put myself first.”

That resonates with Gob a lot more than he’d like to admit. JBJ is right -- everyone needs to put themselves first. It’s not like that’s a new thing, not for Gob. He’s always done the selfish thing, no matter what that means for anyone else. Except… except for recently. Recently, he’s been wanting to put Tony in front of everyone. Tony never asked for that.

JBJ puts his cigarette out on the ground beside him.

“Do you love Tony?” He asks, and the silence shatters. Gob feels like he’s been punched.

His tongue darts out to wet his lips. “I’m not so sure. I’ve never really been sure about much, though.”

Gob has been sure about plenty of things in his life. He knows a thing or two about a thing or two. Just not things like that.

So he seeks out his brother’s advice for the first time in… a long time.

 

“I need help,” is the first thing he says when Michael answers the phone. His leg is bouncing and he’s chewing his lip so hard that he thinks it might start bleeding.

Michael sighs into the receiver. “Hey to you, too, Gob. What’s your problem now? Need me to spot you money for a trick? Or are you gonna go to jail like Dad did because you’ve been taking company money?”

Gob scowls. “ _ Illusions.  _ And I’m actually being a very responsible president, thank you very much. No, I mean, a relationship problem.”

“I don’t know if I’m the most qualified to help you,” Michael reasons. “I mean, last time I tried to date a girl, it was the same girl my son was dating.” Still upset.

“Yeah, whatever.” Gob waves it off before he remembers Michael can’t see him. “So I’m _kind_ _of_ seeing two people--”

“Obviously,” Michael interrupts. “Because you’re a cheater. Continue.”

“Thanks,” Gob mutters sarcastically. “Anyways, I’m seeing two people, but neither relationship is official. One of them is dating someone else, and the other one has a crush on someone I used to be friends with.”

“So this is a sex problem?” Michael asks. “It’s a sex problem.”

“Not exactly.” Gob scuffs his foot on the ground. “One of these people, uh, asked me if I love the other one. Because I’ve been chasing after this one person since a little before I became president, but I’ve been friends with the other for… three… years. I have feelings. I don’t know.”

“Feelings?” Michael laughs incredulously. “I didn’t think you were capable of feelings. Do you love this girl?”

“I don’t know,” Gob admits, decidedly not correcting Michael on the ‘girl’ part. “I want both of them to stay in my life. T… the first one, they keep saying they’re gonna break up with… the other person. But they don’t. And the one I’m closer to doesn’t love me, not like that. I love… them… but… it’s not romantic. Right? That can be a thing, right?” And it’s about then that Gob realizes he hasn’t been breathing.

“Hey, woah,” Michael speaks up. “Calm down. Are you at the model home? I’ll be right over.”

Gob greets his brother with a half-enthusiastic: “Everything is a fucking wreck, I might as well just  _ die.” _

“Quit being such a drama queen,” Michael tells him, quickly shutting the door. “It’s nice to see you, too.”

Gob rolls his eyes. “Are you always gonna say something like that? I’m having an  _ issue, _ Mike. That’s why you’re here. That’s what you’re for. Dealing with my problems for me. Right?”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Michael scoffs. “Not exactly, but okay. Tell me about these girls you’re supposedly feeling stuff for.”

Gob shuts his eyes and then gives in. “Hey, man, quit saying that.”

Michael’s eyebrows furrow. “Saying what?”

“Quit calling them girls,” Gob clarifies. “Neither of them are girls. I never said either of them was a girl.” Pause. “John Beard Jr. is more a man than you’ll ever be.” He adds the last part out of spite.

Michael’s face turns from shocked to angry to smug to amused in two seconds flat. “No shit. You’re kidding, right? Mom will  _ hate _ this. Who’s the other one?”

Gob hesitates. “Tony Wonder.” He winces prematurely.

“I knew it!” A childish grin spreads across Michael’s face. “ Déjà vu,  _ woah _ , but I fucking  _ knew _ it! God, Mom will be so  _ pissed! _ ”

“Yeah, don’t tell her,” Gob mutters. “She said no scandals. Now that I’m president, if people find out that the head of the company is…” He shakes his head because he really doesn’t know what he is. “I mean, I’m lucky enough that there’s no way anyone could find pictures of me when I was a kid.”

Michael frowns, and gives him this  _ look. _ The one that he’s tired of. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t say anything. So, keep going. Tony Wonder has a girlfriend?”

Gob sighs. “Yeah. Sitwell. And he and I, we already fucked. A lot.” Michael winces, but Gob ignores it. “So it’s not that. JBJ asked me if I love Tony, and I don’t think I even know what love is. Or maybe I’m just...”  _ Confused _ .  _ Overwhelmed _ .  _ Scared _ . “I don’t know.”

Michael means well. He gets out the Mike’s Hard Lemonade, (and maybe a bottle of vodka later on in the night,) and he means to talk about Gob’s problems, to help. But the night turns into Gob complaining about Mark Cherry and Michael complaining about how his son hates him. Not a lot of their relationship as brothers is built around actual help, but instead, it’s mutual complaining.

It works perfectly fine, though. More of a vent than a way to find a solution, though sometimes it can work as both.

“I like JBJ,” Gob mutters, his empty bottle knocking against his teeth. “I don’t know why he’s friends with me.”

Michael rolls his eyes. “Bullshit. Don’t tell Mom I said this, but you’re too good for both those guys.” He slumps against the bottom of the chair he’s leaning against. “Just like I’m too good for George-Michael. He can go. He’ll come running back to me, just you watch.”

“You know, you and your son.” Gob drops his bottle. “You two are too… same. Similar. You’re too similar. That’s why it doesn’t work anymore. And that’s why it doesn’t work for me and Tony right now. He’s… We’re… same. We’re the same, and we don’t talk about stuff.”

“Same,” Michael echoes. “I did always tell him, we’re like twins. It was… almost weird. And now he wants me out of his life. Like I don’t know when to back off.”

“You don’t, though.” Gob sits up a little straighter. “I mean, you’re my brother, and I kinda like you, but you don’t know when to back off. You always gotta be in control.”

Michael looks like he wants to object, but instead, he falters. “...You’re right.”

Gob furrows his eyebrows. “I am? I was like, two hundred percent sure you were gonna yell at me for saying that.”

“No.” Michael shakes his head, looking sadder than Gob has seen him in a long, long time. “You’re right. Everyone’s right. I suffocated my son, and that’s why he hates me. Everyone hates me.”

“Hey, hey, no.” Gob rolls his eyes. “Remember? I kinda like you. And you put up with me enough. You might be… a pain in the ass. And kind of a shitty brother. But we’re brothers, right?” He grabs the arm of the couch to steady himself. “We gotta stick together.”

Michael hiccups. “Yeah. We gotta… yeah.”

 

The next afternoon, Tony texts Gob.

 

**Tony <3:** i broke up with sally

**Tony <3:** come over

 

To:  **Tony <3**

_ are you serious? _

 

Something flips in his stomach. Maybe this isn’t what he wants. Or maybe Tony is lying. Something about it… just doesn’t seem right.

 

**Tony <3:** no sorry that was a lie

**Tony <3:** i just want to talk to you

 

To:  **Tony <3**

_ are we not talking now? _

 

**Tony <3:** just quit asking questions and come over

**Tony <3:** i’ve got feelings, remember?

 

Gob groans and runs his hands down his face.

 

To:  **JBJ**

_ i really don’t know _

 

**JBJ:** what?

 

To:  **JBJ:**

_ you asked me if i love tony _

_ and i thought maybe but i really don’t know _

 

**JBJ:** and why is this important right now

 

To:  **JBJ**

_ he wants me to come over _

 

**JBJ** : just go ahead man

**JBJ:** you’ve got time to figure it out

 

So Gob goes to Tony’s house. There are no feelings, though. And they don’t sit and talk. Tony’s lips are on Gob’s the second he gets into the house, and they don’t even make it to the bedroom. Gob forgets himself for a little while. 

Tony falls asleep on the couch. Gob finds himself staring at the TV, but he’s not really paying attention. Tears fill his eyes. He wants to rip his skin off, he wants to-- to-- he’s-- fuck _. Fuck _ .

 

“Maybe you just think you should love him,” JBJ says. “Maybe you do. But maybe you’re just fooling yourself.”

The dock has quickly become their safe haven. Gob loses sleep because he and JBJ sit at the dock and  _ address their problems. _ Gob isn’t used to addressing his problems. He wants to say it’s nice, but he’s not super sure. He doesn’t think he knows much of anything anymore.

“Maybe. I’ve never… loved a guy before,” He admits. “Or anyone. Besides my brother, but that’s just because he’s my brother. And maybe Tony, and…”  _ I don’t know. _ “Yeah.”

JBJ nods, throwing a stone into the water. “I know what that’s like. I don’t… I don’t know what love is either, really. With Mark, it’s like everything I do is to please him. Is that how you are with Tony?”

“No,” Gob mutters. “It’s just like… He’s the first person I really connected with, and he’s just…”  _ So fucking good at sex. _ “So fucking good at sex.”

JBJ barks out a laugh. “Is that right? So maybe you just sleep with him, be his friend, and let him live his own life. Don’t ask for anything more out of it unless you really want that.”

“How come you’re so good at this?” Gob huffs. “It’s not fair. I’m completely shit at figuring things out.”

JBJ shrugs. “I’m not good for myself. I still don’t know what’s going on with me and Mark.”

Something swells up in Gob’s chest. “Yeah. Did you want to talk about that, or something? I don’t… know how much of a help I can be.”

“It’s just…” JBJ sighs, tracing a finger along his thigh. “It’s been so long, and I really should be over this by now, ‘cause, well… Mark’s straight, you know that. You know Mark. And I’m getting sick of him constantly bitching about how I still hang out with you.”

“Oh,” Gob mutters. “I mean, again, you can just… do what he wants. Like you said, everything you do is to please him.”

JBJ stares down at the water. “Yeah, but…” His voice is soft. “For some reason, I’m not willing to give you up.”

Gob, true to his form, tries (and fails) to stifle a snort. “Gay.”

“Just a little,” JBJ admits, and in all honesty? Gob wants to kiss the stupid smirk off of his lips.

They don’t get much sleep that night. Gob shows up late for work, still trying to fix the buttons on his shirt.

 

“Sometimes I forget I’m not eighteen anymore,” He admits to Michael that afternoon, his hand curled around a mug so tight that he’s afraid he might break it. “That if I don’t figure everything out now, I’ll probably be alone forever.”

He half expects Michael to object, maybe for him to say something that might make Gob feel better. But he doesn’t.

“Yeah,” He agrees. “Probably.”

“Gee, thanks, Mike.” Gob huffs. “I should probably just accept that. I’ll go fuck around at a bar, like the old days. Maybe pick up some chicks. Everything will be  _ fine. _ ”

“You say ‘the old days’ like you haven’t done that in, like, twenty years,” Michael says. “Whatever. Have fun, Gob.”

Gob lets out a strangled laugh. “I’ll try.”

 

Gob gets drunk that night. He gets  _ hammered. _ He gets absolutely fucking hammered like he’s never been hammered before and he wakes up on Tony Wonder’s couch with zero recollection of the night before.

Tony was nice enough to leave some aspirin and a glass of water on the table. Gob almost doesn’t care to wonder what happened the night before, just because he’s so used to forgetting things.

The fact that he’s in Tony’s house is the tipping point. That’s the reason he asks.

Tony tells him that he showed up at one in the morning, drunk and rambling on and on about love and friendship and bees. Gob hates to admit it, but that’s obviously what happened because it sounds exactly like him. And because Tony doesn’t lie to him anymore.

He apologizes and offers to leave immediately. Tony tells him to stay for breakfast, so he does. He doesn’t talk. It’s been a long time since he’s had any real food. Not to mention, he’s too scared to speak.

It’s only when he’s nearly done with his eggs that he lets his fork clatter down on the plate. “Hey, if I did anything weird last night, I’m really sorry.”

Tony just shrugs, his eyes staring down the center of the glass of ice water that he’s swirling around aimlessly on the counter. Some of the water sloshes over the edge. It doesn’t seem like Tony cares, or even like he notices. “That’s fine. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.” He pauses. “Pretending to be gay gets you a lot of weirdos saying a lot of fucked up things.”

“Right.” Gob hesitates, and his throat feels dry. “Because you’re not gay.”

Tony finally looks up, and Gob hates how vulnerable he probably looks at that moment. His breathing starts to go awry, but he catches himself. Tony mutters the words “not like that,” but that’s about all he can manage. Of course it’s like that. It’s always like that.

Gob pushes himself off the stool and takes a gulp of the water that Tony set out for him. It burns the back of his throat. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and settles for a weak smile.

“I’m gonna go.” His voice wavers. “Thanks. Really. For everything.”

 

JBJ grimaces when Gob relays the information to him that night. On the dock, yet again. 

“Sorry, man.” He gives a weak laugh that is somehow reassuring and blows smoke into Gob’s face. “Maybe you should drop him. That’s what I’d do, if Mark said something like that to me. Or maybe try and talk it out.”

“You know I’m not good at that,” Gob mutters as he plucks the cigarette from JBJ’s hand and takes a drag.

JBJ shrugs. “Is it not worth a shot?” He nudges Gob’s shoulder and takes the cigarette back. Gob almost doesn’t notice. A sigh escapes his lips.

He doesn’t talk to Tony for a week after that. Sometimes he feels guilty about it, but most of the time he’s drunk. Lindsay stops by to visit, and she says something about Sally Sitwell.

Gob tells Lindsay to tear her apart. Lindsay tells him that she was planning on it. When she goes home, Gob feels a little more confident in himself. Maybe Sally is what’s keeping Tony from having the epiphany that Gob has been praying for. Maybe once she’s gone, he’ll be okay.

It’s a sick thought for him to have, especially if she makes Tony happy. Tony’s happiness should matter above all else. But at least he can admit that, instead of doing the selfish thing like he’s always done.

But Gob has always been selfish. Ever since he was sixteen and he nearly demolished the Bluth family reputation, and he supposes he still is pretty selfish. But now… now he’s working on it. That’s what counts, isn’t it?

 

“Did Lindsay stop by?” Michael asks, setting his bag down on the counter. 

Gob’s eyes float to the banner that’s hanging:  _ Vote Red, White, and Bluth: Lindsay Bluth for Congres. _ “What gave it away?”

Michael sticks a hand out, pointing at the banner. “The fact that ‘congress’ is spelled wrong pretty much set it for me. Have you heard from George-Michael recently?”

“I don’t talk to your son, Mikey,” Gob tells him, poking oddly at some red, white and blue Jell-O that Lindsay left because she “knows that there isn’t any food in the house.” It’s not very appetizing, but he’s thankful for her concern nonetheless.

Michael sighs and runs his hands down his face exasperatedly. “It’s like he’s mad at me, and I have no idea why.”

“I do.” Gob glances up from the Jell-O -- as disgusting as it is, it’s pretty entrancing -- “Remember? You stole his girlfriend?”

“I didn’t--” Michael cuts himself off, leaning against the opposite side of the counter. “I didn’t steal his girlfriend. If anything,  _ he _ stole  _ my _ girlfriend. It’s like he’s got… an Oedipus complex, or something. Like with that teacher he had a crush on.”

“Again,” Gob points out. “You stole his crush that time."

Michael lets out a groan of confusion. “I don’t get it!” He exclaims, but it’s not that hard to grasp. “We should have sorted this out by now. It seems like everyone else has their problems down. Lindsay is running for  _ Congress--” _ He gestures frantically at the banner. “--and my son still hates me.”

Gob rolls his eyes because for once it really isn’t worth arguing with his brother on this point. He waits for a second and then sits forwards.

“Anyways,” He starts. “My problem. What am I supposed to do about Tony?”

Michael stares at his brother blankly, like he can’t  _ believe _ that Gob would cut him off like that, but Michael has been complaining about his son for months at this point, and George-Michael has every right to be angry. It’s Michael’s false sense of superiority that’s got him like this, in any case. Gob’s problems are more important.

“Right,” Michael finally tells him. “Go ahead.”

Gob nods a little like he’s got some reason to be thankful for Michael -- he doesn’t really think that he does.

“Tony says he’s not gay,” He says, and his leg is bouncing beneath the counter. “He says he’s not gay, he’s completely straight, but he’s slept with me so many times since Cinco. I think he can… he can tell that it’s upset me, but he hasn’t said anything and I haven’t spoken to him in over a week now and God, Mike, I don’t know what to  _ do!” _

Michael hesitates. “Is he worth it?”

Gob has to think about it for a second. He’s never done anything if there wasn’t a possibility of that something being  _ worth it. _ Is Tony worth it? He could just as easily find some girl who might chase after him, like Marta or… his wife, or…  _ mouth _ . Anyone. He’s charming, he’s attractive. People like him. Is all of this worth it? For Tony Wonder?

“I don’t know,” He admits. “But I’m going through all this trouble already, aren’t I?”

Michael shrugs and pours himself a glass of water. Gob thinks about that question for the rest of the day.

 

Gob hasn’t visited Buster in prison yet. He doesn’t want to -- and besides, his last visit to prison ended with him getting stabbed. He has a right to not want to go back. 

But Lucille says that he’s getting a bad rep for not visiting his little brother, so he heads to prison against his will.

(In a new sixty-three-hundred dollar suit, obviously, because he wants these criminals to know who’s boss.)

Buster grins a stupid grin when he sees his oldest brother, and Gob has to physically keep himself from groaning. He forces a fake smile. “Hey, Bustie!” He laughs weakly. “How’s prison?”

Buster shrugs, scratching absently at his nose with his good hand. “It’s alright.” He giggles. “Everyone’s scared of me ‘cause they think I _ killed someone!  _ Isn’t that crazy? Me? Kill someone?” He laughs again, on the verge of being maniacal, and Gob forces an awful laugh to match it.

“Yeah,” He agrees, his voice strained. “Listen, Buster, I’m gonna be honest.” Gob leans forward against the table, his fingers bouncing. “I’m only here ‘cause Mom said it was bad publicity for the company, me not visiting you.”

Buster blinks slowly. “Mom said that?” He doesn’t seem to register the part where Gob genuinely  _ does not want to be here. _ “She hasn’t even come to visit me.”

Gob leans back after that, trying to wrap his head around it. Buster has always been Lucille’s favorite, so it doesn’t exactly add up that she hasn’t come to visit him. “Bullshit,” Gob claims. Buster shakes his head.

“Nope.” He confirms. “She hasn’t come. Nobody except you and Michael.” He shrugs, and another weird laugh escapes his lips. “It’s fine, though. I’ve got juice here, and nobody messes with me ‘cause they’re scared.”

“Huh,” is all Gob can manage. He almost wants to rub the fact that she hasn’t visited in Buster’s face. But he decides, instead, to be the bigger person.

 

Eventually, JBJ visits him at work.

“Where have you been?” He leans against the doorway to Gob’s office. “Last I heard from you was the shit with Tony. Have you talked to him?”

Gob’s eyes trail JBJ’s body. “Nope.” He shakes his head. “I need… time. Before I do that. I don’t even know what I’m doing.”

JBJ nods. “So you’re not gonna sleep with h--” He starts, but he’s quickly cut off by Gob shooting up from his chair and frantically waving his hands.

“Shut up!” He hisses through clenched teeth. “My mom is here somewhere.”

“What?” JBJ looks a little taken aback. “I thought you were kidding when you said that you still care what she thinks about you.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Gob gestures for JBJ to step into his office so the door can be shut behind him. “I’m president of the company. No scandals.”  _ No scandals. _ The phrase has been stuck in the back of his head for months. “I already had to pay  _ To Entrap a Local Predator _ a fuckton of money that I barely had just so they wouldn’t say anything about the tapes of me and Tony fucking around in the model home.”

“So the plot fucking thickens,” JBJ comments, pulling a cigarette from his pocket. “Am I allowed to smoke in here?”

Gob hesitates, glancing from the smoke alarm on the ceiling to the window. “If you can get that window open. It’s been jammed for a while.”

JBJ nods and immediately moves to work on the window. It takes him a couple of minutes, but he manages to pry it open and sit on the ledge so that the smoke alarm doesn’t go off.

Gob tries to hunker down and do some paperwork, which is something he’s never been the best at. Before, when he was president, Michael did all the work for him while Gob learned words like  _ cirsumvrent. _ This is a lot harder than that because this time he has to  _ actually  _ be in charge instead of just pretending.

That’s pretty tiring, to say the least.

“Why are you even here?” He finally asks JBJ. “Isn’t Mark recording? Shouldn’t you be with him?”

JBJ shrugs, talking around his cigarette. “He wanted to be alone today. Can’t say I blame him. He’s gotten pretty sick of me.”

Gob’s heart skips a beat. He stays at work a little late trying to make sure he picked up everything off the floor that was once on his desk.

Lucille doesn’t catch him. He’s careful to check that there aren’t any cameras. _ No scandals _ . He has to keep up a good reputation. That’s probably the most tiring part of being the company president. They’ve had so many scandals to recover from that Gob is hardly allowed a slip-up.

 

Gob doesn’t sleep that night. It’s Friday. Phrases swim through his head; particularly  _ no scandals _ from his mother and  _ put yourself first _ from JBJ and _ is he worth it? _ from Michael. It’s only when the sun rises through the blinds that he realizes he forgot to sleep. 

When he checks his phone, it’s clear that both Tony and JBJ were drunk and emotional the night before.

 

< 8 new messages from:  **Tony <3 ** >

**Tony <3** : are u there

**Tony <3** : its late sorry

**Tony <3** : im kinda drunk ut you know i meant what i said about feeelings that night

**Tony <3** : and all that

**Tony <3** : shit

**Tony <3** : and i like sally a lot even though shes a bitch sometimes and i like you alot even though sometimes you frget to eat or you leave your socks at my house and u can be really frustratin sometimes but its sweet 

**Tony <3** : iknow that im not ready to end things with sally but im not ready to end them with you either

**Tony <3** : youve got jbj until then but youve got me too

 

< 7 new messages from  **JBJ** >

**JBJ** : u know what weve got is somethign else man

**JBJ** : WERE LIKE SOULMATES EXCEPT IN A FRIEND WAY

**JBJ** : also we fuck lol but u knew that

**JBJ** : im not ready to give you up even though mark says i should

**JBJ** : i dont even care that you steal my cigs all the time its ok because when we share them its like i can feel you and youre my best friend even though i tell trout that he is sometimes but its you

**JBJ** : kinda

**JBJ** : i think i might needa go to sleep

 

Gob thinks that he deserves to get some sleep.

When he wakes up (finally) that afternoon, he sits at the counter alone and picks at a sandwich with his phone practically burning a hole in his pocket.

 

To:  **Tony <3**

_ hey i know you were super drunk when you said that so i won’t hold you to most of it  _

_ but i meant everything i said too _

_ and if sally means a lot to you i don’t expect you to leave her, especially not for me _

_ i’ve been a cheater before and as much as it isn’t fair to her i get it _

_ anyways yeah _

 

To:  **JBJ**

_ i’m not even gonna address this right now man come over tonight and we can talk it out _

_ i have some interesting developments in the tony wonder situation and also i just wanna talk to you _

 

Maybe Gob’s logic is twisted. He doesn’t bother to think about that, though. Instead, he focuses on getting some real food down his throat. Everything feels a little too washed out.

 

Michael, for all his smart advice, is nearly so condescending that it means nothing. That’s the only reason Gob reaches out to Steve Holt.

They meet at a coffee shop this time. Gob is careful to make sure that he knows who he’s talking to. Steve orders some white chick drink and sits across from Gob with an obnoxious smile, and Gob has to keep himself from groaning and remind himself that this kid is his son.

“So,” He starts off, taking a quick sip of his coffee and trying to ignore the fact that he’s burnt his tongue. “How’s the… pest control business going?”

Steve lights up a little bit at the question, but his answer is something that Gob doesn’t quite comprehend about smoke and Maeby and some competition.

Once it looks like Steve is done, Gob decides it might be a good time to step in with his own problems.

“You’re done, right?” He clarifies, but he doesn’t bother to wait for an answer. “So, uh, last time we talked…”

“You tried to get me to pretend to be your boyfriend,” Steve reminds him. “To lock Tony Wonder in his illusion.”

“Right.” Gob nods a little. “My revenge plan. Well, there’s been a turn of events.” His leg bounces under the table. “Anyways, that’s not the point. The point is, I need advice.”

Steve is wary. That much is obvious. “I don’t know, Dad.” His voice wavers. “I don’t know how much I can help you.”

“Right. Because you’re socially inept.” Gob mumbles, half to himself. Steve looks offended, but he doesn’t say anything. “Just let me tell you what’s going on, and then you can decide whether or not you can help.”

Steve nods, and Gob launches into his explanation. He works carefully around gender, using neutral pronouns and hoping that Steve isn’t smarter than Michael and that he won’t notice. His chest tightens and his mouth feels dry, but he works his way through the story, start to finish.

Steve stares at him blankly for a little bit after Gob finishes. His expression is unreadable.

Then, he breaks into this stupid fucking golden retriever-like grin that makes Gob wince. “Dad, that’s awesome!” He laughs. “Last time we really talked you ditched your wedding, remember? And now you’re learning how to actually care about people.”

Gob hesitates. His eyes scan Steve’s face. All he knows to say is, “Yeah.”

“Besides,” Steve continues. “It sounds like you care about both of these girls a lot. And maybe you’ll stick with one of them, you know?”

Gob gets mildly defensive at the ‘girls’ thing, but he tries not to say anything. Apparently, though, Steve is observant. Apparently, Steve can see something flicker in his eyes.

“You never said…” Steve trails off. “Oh, man! Dad! That’s so awesome!”

“What?” Panic rises in Gob’s chest. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’re not talking about girls, right?” Steve laughs. “Oh, man, I’d never have guessed.”

“I didn’t say--” Gob cuts himself off. “I’m not  _ gay.” _

“You have to be at least a little bit gay,” Steve says. He spares a glance at his watch. “Shit. I have somewhere to be.”

Gob nods slowly. Steve’s goodbye is washed out. Gob sits alone in the coffee shop until the sun starts to set.

 

JBJ is at the model home before Gob gets there. He has his hand tight around a beer and is being glared daggers at by Michael.

“This is John Beard’s son?” Michael gestures vaguely to JBJ once Gob sits down, disbelief etched on his face.

Gob shrugs, sinking into the couch. “I mean, yeah,” He says. “Why wouldn’t he be?”

Michael looks incredulous. “He’s nothing like the guy.” He leans back. “How did you two even meet?”

JBJ says “bar” at the same time Gob says “magic.”

Michael nods slowly. “I get it.” He stares between the two of them like he’s looking for something and then stands up. “Well, I’m gonna go back to my room now that you’re here. Turn in for the night.”

“Thanks,” Gob tells him, and JBJ nods his own thanks with his bottle to his lips.

Once Michael is gone, JBJ sets down his drink. “Why were you so late getting home?” He kicks back against the chair. “Michael was nice enough to keep me company, you saw that. But I don’t think he likes me very much.”

“He was civil, at least?” Gob asks, but the answer, of course, is  _ yes. _ Michael tries to play himself like he’s the best around. The most civil. The most important. “Yeah, no, I got… caught up. I was meeting my son for coffee.”

“At eight o’clock at night?” JBJ raises an eyebrow. “You have a son?”

“Yeah,” Gob admits, tracing lines against his thigh. “I mean, no, I got there around noon, and he left around one, and I just…” He shrugs. “I got caught up with myself, I guess. I didn’t realize it had gotten late until like, seven, and then traffic was really bad getting back here, and…” He swallows his words. “Yeah.”

“Did you order the shop’s strongest dissociation or something?” JBJ chortles at his own joke. “Sorry, that was a little tasteless.”

“It’s fine,” Gob tells him. “I just… Yeah, I’m not sure what happened. Steve -- that’s, uh, my son. I guess. He didn’t really give me any advice or anything like I asked. I’m not really sure what to do.” He hesitates. “Here, take a look at these texts he sent me. He was, like, really fuckin’ drunk.”

Gob digs his phone out of his pocket and pulls up the string of texts, handing the phone over to JBJ. He wrings his hands in front of him awkwardly while JBJ reads.

Eventually, JBJ hands the phone back. “I don’t know, man,” He admits. “But he’s right about you having me until he’s ready.”

Something flips in Gob’s stomach as he puts his phone away. “Thanks.”

“I think you’ll be alright,” JBJ tells him.

They don’t fuck that night, like both of them expected. JBJ falls asleep with his head on Gob’s chest, the TV still blaring  _ The Tonight Show _ . 

 

Michael wakes them up in the morning.

“I’m leaving,” He says, readjusting his uniform hat; to start trying to get back on his feet after his debt scare and everything, Michael had gotten a job at a nearby diner. The downside to that is the stupid uniform. “But I made breakfast for myself, and there’s extra.”

JBJ blinks awake slowly, a yawn escaping his lips. “Thanks, Mike,” He mumbles, holding out his hand for a high five. Michael rolls his eyes and leaves JBJ hanging.

“Is he mad about something?” JBJ asks Gob once Michael has left. “He seems really fuckin’ pissed at everything.”

“Yeah,” Gob agrees with a shrug. “He wants my position back. He’s upset that I haven’t gone and fucked it all up like he expected. Well, joke’s on him, ‘cause I’m a good company president, and if Lucille Austero wasn’t dead, he would be in deep shit right now. Goes to show him for always acting like he’s better than everyone else.”

JBJ nods a little and settles back down against Gob’s chest. “Do you have any plans today?”

Gob fumbles awkwardly for his phone.

 

**Tony <3:** can we hang out at my place tonight? 

 

To: **Tony <3**

_ i guess so yeah _

 

He grimaces. “Tony wants to hang out.”

“If you’re…” JBJ pauses, studying Gob’s face. “If you’re dreading it so much, why are you going?”

Gob shrugs. “Just because I’m dreading it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it. I have to talk to him. I have to sort this out, once and for all.” It’s one of the more adult things that Gob has said in his life.

JBJ presses a kiss to his cheek, and it’s a bit awkward and sloppy but the sincerity is there.

“I’m gonna go home,” He says, pushing himself up and looking for his shirt. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Gob nods and watches him go.

 

Going to Tony’s scares Gob more than a lot of things. He knows that he’s just dragging himself down deeper and deeper, but he doesn’t care. He just keeps going back. 

Tony kisses him before he’s even through the door, and Gob  _ melts, _ but he has to keep himself together. He’s not here for sex. He’s here to talk.

But Tony draws him closer, and he decides that the talking can wait. The door slams shut behind him, and neither of them wince.

It’s when they’re laying lazily on Tony’s couch and sharing a cigarette that Gob thinks he should say something.

“What am I to you?” He asks. The question has been on the tip of his tongue for who knows  _ how _ long.

Tony glances up at him a little. “What?”

Gob hesitates and then repeats himself, his mouth dry. “I said, what am I to you?”

“That’s…” Tony pushes himself up so he’s sitting. “That’s a loaded question, Gobie, I jus--”

“You’re an asshole.” Gob interrupts. He’s fuming and he doesn’t know why. Tony looks… genuinely hurt, and Gob wants to push him down against the couch and apologize, but he keeps himself up with a stony look on his face.

“What?” Tony’s eyebrows shoot together. “I’m-- I’m not-- What did I do?”

“You’re just-- you’re dragging me around! All the time! All the fucking time.” Gob laughs, bitter. “And I keep falling for it.”

Tony shrinks back a little bit. “Is this about Sally?” And Gob wants to  _ scream. _

“Yes!” He’s getting more worked up than he’s ever been before. “I mean, no! Yes, I don’t… I don’t  _ know _ , alright, it’s like you’re leading me on and shit, but you’re always gonna go back to her. You’re-- You’re not even gay! You know that, I know that, I don’t know why I keep coming back.”

Tony swears under his breath. “You’re right, okay? I’m not gay. I’m not! But…” He hesitates. “But you’re different.”

Gob sees red. “I know that I’m different, alright? Shut  _ up!” _ His eyes sting. “And I know that you wouldn’t be sleeping with me if I wasn’t.”

“I…” Tony falters. “It’s not about that, though.”

“Isn’t it?” Gob laughs. He fucking laughs, because that’s all he can think to do. “What else, pray tell, could it be about?”

“It’s…” Tony is obviously searching for something that will save his ass, because he’s dug himself into such a hole that Gob is  _ finally  _ standing up for himself.

And then, he finds it.

“If I had to give up sex just to keep spending time with you, I would do it,” He blurts.

Gob feels something invisible hit his chest. “Y-you… You what?”

“If Sally… If I didn’t care about Sally, because I  _ do--” _ Tony is on the defensive again. “I do care about her, but if I didn’t, and if you-- I would give up sex, just for you. If… to be my boyfriend.”

It almost doesn’t make any sense, and Gob’s head is spinning and he feels like he might be high, but he’s  _ not _ and he feels  _ something _ but there’s no telling what it is, because recent events have opened a door to a world of feelings that Gob could never name before.

“No shit,” is all Gob can force himself to say. It’s flat, and in no way conveys the  _ fucking feelings _ that are exploding in his stomach. Tony shrugs.

“I think…” He hesitates. “I think Sally is gonna break up with me. I think she knows I’m cheating on her. And it’s-- it’s not like I haven’t before. But this is  _ different, _ right? It’s different.”

“You should break up with her before she breaks up with you,” Gob tells him.  _ So I don’t feel like a rebound. _

Tony stares at the ground in front of him. “Maybe I should.”

Gob spends that night at Tony’s house because he’s so full of… hope, or happiness, or something equally as stupid. He doesn’t ever want to leave. For the first time, he doesn’t feel isolated to some degree while he’s there.

 

Mark Cherry catches him in bed with JBJ exactly one week after that. It’s ten in the morning, and JBJ is asleep on his chest. 

All within a couple seconds, Gob looks from Mark to JBJ to JBJ’s shirt at the foot of the bed to the window and back to Mark. “Don’t--” He starts to say, but Mark is already fuming. JBJ jolts awake, holding the blanket up to his chin on instinct.

“You--” Mark spits, his face red as he points a shaking finger from Gob to JBJ. “I told you to get rid of him!”

Sleep is still evident in JBJ’s voice when he speaks. “Mark,” He tries, and Gob can see his brain working behind his eyes. “It’s just… He’s-- He’s my  _ friend, _ alright?” He clutches the blanket tighter and it slides off of Gob’s chest. It’s cold, but Gob doesn’t blame him for it.

“Yeah fuckin’ right!” Mark scoffs, and then he turns his attention to Gob. “Get out of here.” His eyes are red and full of fire.

Gob leaves so fast that he steps outside with his shirt still in his hand.

 

“I’m sorry,” JBJ tells Gob a couple nights later. He scratches at the cut on his cheek and it breaks open. “About Mark, I mean.”

Gob rolls his eyes and sticks his feet in the water. “I just don’t get it, man,” He says. “I don’t get why you’re still so smitten with him.”

“Neither do I,” JBJ admits. He fiddles absently with the hem of his shirt. “He’s so pissed at me. Us. He’s pissed at both of us.”

“Well.” Gob shrugs. “He’s been pissed at me for a pretty long time, now. That’s not really a new thing.”

JBJ nods unenthusiastically. His eyes are cold as he stares down into the water. “I just wished he didn’t care, you know? About a lot of things. He’s so upset about you, and-- and about everything, and Trout asked me what I did wrong but I really don’t think I  _ did _ anything, you know?” He runs a hand through his hair, letting out an exasperated sigh. “This  _ sucks.” _

“Yeah,” Gob agrees, because he really doesn’t know what else to say. It  _ does _ suck.  _ Everything _ sucks.

JBJ falls asleep at the dock because he doesn’t want to go back to the house, and Gob stays there with him.

 

It’s George-Michael that finds them in the morning, and being the smart kid that he is, he wakes Gob up by stepping on his face.

“Sorry!” He shouts at the same time Gob yells  _ “Fuck!” _

He cradles his face in his hand, pushing himself up so he can look at George-Michael. George-Michael grimaces.

“Sorry, Uncle Gob,” He says through his teeth. “I didn’t mean to actually step on you.”

“Yeah, fuck that,” Gob grumbles, pressing his lips into a thin line. “But you meant to wake me up, yeah?”

“Yes,” George-Michael says solemnly. “Are you homeless again?”

“What? No.” Gob shakes his head, sparing a glance to JBJ. “I’m staying at the model home.”

“You are?” George-Michael’s eyebrows shoot together. “I thought my dad was staying there, at least, that’s what he told me.”

“Yeah, he is.” Gob finally takes his hand down from his face. “He got a job at a diner. It sucks. I don’t want him living with me.”

George-Michael hesitates and then sits down next to him. “Yeah, I wouldn’t either.”

After a minute or so of awkward silence, Gob speaks up. “He’s getting better, though. He really is.”

“I doubt that,” George-Michael mutters. “After so long? Even when I was, like, thirteen. He never listened to me. He always acted like he was the best, but he’s-- He really wasn’t, okay? He’s not. And I don’t think he ever will be.”

Gob shrugs. “I can’t see it from your eyes, kid--” JBJ stirs, so he lowers his voice. “I really can’t. But I’ve known Michael for forty-two years. He  _ is _ an asshole, and he doesn’t like to admit he’s wrong--”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying!”

“Don’t interrupt me,” Gob says. “He doesn’t like to admit he’s wrong, but once he gets it through his head, he’ll do whatever he can do to fix it. And I know it’s been, what, eighteen years of him doing this? You’re eighteen, right?”

“Twenty-three,” George-Michael corrects him, but Gob ignores it.

“Eighteen years is a long time,” He continues. “But I swear, he’s trying. He just realized he was wrong.”

George-Michael lets out an exasperated sigh. “I really hope you’re right. I mean, Rebel got really fed up with both of us, so now I just… it’s like I don’t have anyone, y’know?”

Gob musters up his best sympathetic smile, but that’s really all he can do. George-Michael claps him on the shoulder before he leaves.

 

Tony breaks up with Sally two weeks later. He shows up at the model home with his head down.

“I want to do this the right way,” He says, his hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets. “I’ve never done that before, but you…” He hesitates. “It’s just, like, some of the things you’ve said have hit me really hard and… Sally’s a bitch, man. She’s a fuckin’ bitch.”

Gob bites back a snappy  _ “I know” _ and instead settles on flinging himself towards Tony in a rather animalistic way.

They don’t fuck that night, though, and Michael doesn’t bat an eyelid when he comes home that night to Gob and Tony making out while one of Lindsay’s campaign ads slamming Sally Sitwell plays as background noise.

Gob thinks that maybe he’ll be okay.

 

The cut on JBJ’s face scars, because all he does is pick at it and feel sorry for himself. Gob can’t help but feel guilty, because even though he didn’t hurt JBJ, it’s his fault that Mark caught them in bed together and it’s his fault that Mark hurt JBJ and yeah, maybe he really did hurt JBJ just by being around.

“It’s fine.”

He says it out loud without thinking, and at this point, he’s just trying to convince himself.

Michael looks up from his book. “What?”

“Nothing, I…” Gob trails off, searching for the right words. “I don’t know. Something seems wrong. I’m just trying to, uh, convince myself I’m alright.” He scratches awkwardly at the back of his neck. “Or something.”

Michael just nods and buries his head in his book again.

 

To:  **JBJ**

_ hey man how are you holding up _

 

**JBJ** : ok for the most part

**JBJ** : mark is really sick of my shit

**JBJ** : josh says i can stay with him if i want so i think i’m gonna

 

To:  **JBJ**

_ josh? _

 

**JBJ** : josh abramson?

**JBJ:** anyways it’s whatever

**JBJ** : can i come over tonight?

 

To:  **JBJ**

_ yeah sure thing _

 

_ new developments in my tony wonder situation _

 

**JBJ** : oh wild

**JBJ** : ok i’m on my way

 

Seeing JBJ at the door is miles different from seeing Tony at the door. When Gob saw Tony, his heart caught in his throat. But when Gob sees JBJ, it’s different. It’s something that he doesn’t understand and at this point, he’s too scared to find out. 

_Boring_ _Michael_ is still reading on the couch. Gob sits next to him, and JBJ, without missing a beat, sprawls himself over Gob. Michael glances up and his nose scrunches, but he doesn’t say anything.

“So,” JBJ says, picking awkwardly at the scar on his cheek. “What’s the deal with Tony?”

Gob hesitates. “I don’t… really know.”

“I do,” Michael pipes up, shutting his book. “Gob has commitment issues, that’s the deal.”

Gob’s mouth opens and closes like a fish for a moment as he struggles to find words, and in the end, he settles on a shrug. “He’s right. Tony broke up with his girlfriend a couple days ago, and we still aren’t together even though I thought that’s what we both wanted. Something seems wrong about it.”

JBJ nods slowly, letting his fingers ghost over Gob’s face for a minute. Michael catches wind of the situation and excuses himself quietly.

“I just feel like I’m always at fault here,” Gob continues. “Because I usually am. And being in charge of a company is  _ hard _ , I don’t know how I haven’t fucked it all up, and I don’t ever know what I’m doing.” He hesitates. “I don’t think I could handle a real relationship right now.”

And then, in one swift motion, JBJ pulls Gob’s face down to press their lips together. But there’s something different about this kiss. It isn’t full of the desperation that he’s used to, the lust and the sadness that is there for the both of them but they don’t know how to get rid of so they try to fill the hole with each other, but it hasn’t been quite enough until this moment. 

When they break apart, JBJ’s face is red.

“You can sleep with Tony Wonder all you want,” He says. “But at the end of the day, we both know that you already have everything that you need.”

That resonates with Gob. He already has everything that he needs.

They fuck on the couch that night, but this time it isn’t the same. JBJ falls asleep curled up against Gob’s chest.

 

JBJ leaves early in the morning. He mutters something about his nerves while scratching at his cheek, and Gob lets him go.

 

Michael visits Gob at work later that day. 

“My son called,” He says, sitting awkwardly across from his brother. “He says he talked to you.”

Gob thinks back on it for a second and then nods. “Yeah, he did. Did he… Are you two alright, now?”

“Not really,” Michael admits. “But at least he’s talking to me. You… You’re not so bad after all, Gob.”

Pride swells up in Gob’s chest. “Thanks, Mike.” He grins. “You’re not so bad either. That’s the whole reason I talked you up.”

Michael smiles a little, it’s weird and tight but it’s there, and this is one of the rare times that both Michael and Gob are proud of Gob.

“If he told you what I said, I meant it,” Gob says. “You aren’t a bad guy, even though sometimes people think you are.”

Michael shifts awkwardly in his seat. “Anyways,” He says softly. “Thanks.”

 

Gob spends the afternoon at Tony’s house. They eat popcorn and Tony picks out a movie, but something about the situation makes Gob’s chest hurt.

_ You can sleep with Tony Wonder all you want. But at the end of the day, we both know that you already have everything that you need. _

 

Gob leaves earlier than he originally planned, and he shows up at Josh Abramson’s house trying to catch his breath.

He pushes past Josh when the door is answered and beelines to find JBJ, ignoring Josh’s protests. JBJ is fumbling with a guitar, and he almost drops it when Gob opens the door.

“You were right,” He says. “But I don’t know what I want anymore.”

JBJ hesitates. “Can we go somewhere else?” His voice shakes a little. “I don’t want Josh to…” He trails off, but Gob knows exactly what he’s trying to say.

So they sit at the dock again. It’s kind of cold, but Gob doesn’t care. He brings his knees to his chest and stares blankly over the water.

“What…” JBJ finally says. “What did you mean?”

“Hm?” Gob glances over at him. “Oh, I mean… When you said that I already have everything I  need. I sleep with Tony, and that’s fine, but I tried to spend time with him like… Like, because he broke up with Sally. I wanted to see how it went. And it was just  _ wrong,  _ it was  _ all wrong.” _

JBJ hesitates. His eyes are stony. “It’s not like I mind when you sleep with him.”

Gob blinks slowly. “I never got the idea that you did,” He says. It’s blunt, but that’s what he needs to be right now. Otherwise, he’ll never figure anything out. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

“If sleeping with him makes you happy…” JBJ is focusing, and Gob can hear the thought behind each word. “Then by all means, sleep with him. But if being with him doesn’t seem right for you…” He shrugs, curling into himself a little. “I can’t say I’ll be upset at all.”

“What are you getting at?” Gob raises an eyebrow, letting his legs down and dragging his feet along the water.

JBJ stares at him like he’s crazy. “You’re kidding me, right? How long have you known me?”

Gob shrugs. “A while. What’s your point?”

JBJ rolls his eyes and moves to press a kiss to Gob’s cheek. “I’m turning in for the night,” He says. “You should think about it.”

 

Michael stares at Gob with the same look of complete disbelief when he relays the story upon his arrival back at the model home. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“I’m not!” Gob promises. “Can someone please just tell me what he’s talking about?”

“You’re oblivious,” Michael says. “He likes you. Like,  _ like _ likes you.”

“What are we, twelve?” Gob jokes, because it takes a few seconds for the information to settle in his head. The second he gets it, though, he  _ gets it.  _ “Oh! No shit!”

“Yeah.” Michael rolls his eyes and shuts off the TV. “Go to bed, Gob.”

 

It takes him an hour or two of just staring at the ceiling until he falls asleep. He dreams about the doves that he killed walking across a purple ocean. It might mean something, but he writes it off as  _ weird _ and tries to call JBJ.

It rings twice and goes to voicemail. The sudden end leaves Gob’s heart pounding, so he texts Tony to come over as soon as possible.

Tony shows up, and he looks like he’s ready for something substantial, maybe the grounding of the relationship that Gob thought they were working towards. But Gob has started using Tony to fill a hole that he didn’t know was there.

They sit on Gob’s bed, Tony’s shirt discarded to the ground.

“I don’t…” Gob starts, a weak smile settling on his lips. “I don’t think… I don’t… I d-don’t… You-- I don’t-- Should-- Sh--...” Tony frowns. “Should I… you… It’s-- it’s not…  _ I’m  _ not… feelings. Feelings, a-and-- And  _ you’re… _ You’re f-- should-- You-- Y-you….” He swallows his words.

After a minute of awkward silence, he finally gathers himself. “I don’t want this to go any further.”

Tony falters. “What?”

“I just…” Gob laughs a little, because it’s all he can do. “I don’t know. I was figuring some things out, and you-- You-- Sh-- I just-- A-and…” He shakes his head. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s…” Tony hesitates. “It’s fine. I get it. This wasn’t really meant to go any further, I think. You’re right.”

Gob lets out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. “Are you serious?”

“I don’t know,” Tony admits. He presses a kiss to Gob’s lips. “Thanks, though.”

Gob closes his eyes. “It was… It…” His mouth feels dry. “It was fun while it lasted. I thought--” He laughs weakly. “Feelings, right? You’re my friend.”

“Right,” Tony agrees. “You’re… friends. Yeah. You’re my friend, too.”

 

When Gob runs into… Her, she asks about Tony.

“I thought for sure that was gonna stick,” She says. “You guys seemed like you were made for each other, two conceited magicians that run away from your problems. I guess it was too good to be true.”

Gob sighs. “You want me to be honest?”

“Is that a first for you?” She laughs. “Yeah, please.”

“I wanted it to work,” Gob admits. “I really did. It almost did. I think we’re… too same. Too similar. It wouldn’t.”

“Huh.” Bland thinks about it. “I guess you’re right. So, now that Tony’s out, do you have your eye on anyone?”

“What? Are you hitting on me?” Gob furrows his eyebrows. “You broke up with me.”

“What? No.” She scoffs. “No, I’m actually seeing someone else. I was just trying to make small talk, on account of things ended pretty badly last time we talked.”

“If by ‘badly’ you mean that you caused me to have the most mind-blowing sex of my life, then yeah, pretty terribly on my end.” Gob bounces his fingers on the counter he’s leaning against. “No, yeah. Yeah, I’m seeing someone.”

“Well, best wishes to whoever that is,” Ann says quietly, then she coughs. “Who is it?”

“You know John Beard?” Gob asks her. She nods. “Yeah, uh, his son.”

Blank stares at him, well, blankly for a minute. ”You’re kidding.”

“I wish I was,” Gob admits. “It started pretty casually, ‘cause I joined Mark Cherry’s entourage--“

Her eyes narrow. “Showrunner?”

“Singer,” Gob corrects. “He hates me now. It was an accident. But JBJ and I started fuckin’ around, and now…” His mouth feels dry. “I think I might love him.”

“That’s new,” She says. “So you and JBJ  _ aren’t _ dating?”

“No,” Gob mutters. “As much as I’d like that -- or, at least, I think I would. I’m not… I’m not good at feelings, I’m just…” He trails off into silence, unsure of what else to say.

“Take your time.” Plant pats him on the shoulder. “Figure it out, but don’t hurt yourself. I have to go.”

Gob watches her go and then resolves to meet up with JBJ that night. To settle everything once and for all.

He flakes, though, like he always does.

 

To:  **JBJ <3**

_ sorry for ditching you i just got overwhelmed and i think need to figure some things out <3 _

 

He adds the heart for good measure. 

 

**JBJ <3** : take your time. i know you need it.

 

The knot in Gob’s chest loosens up. The night he would have spent stuttering at JBJ, he instead spends talking to his brother over Mike’s Hard Lemonade. 

 

“So you’re  _ not _ into Tony,” Michael clarifies, taking a swig of his drink. “God, this is like watching a reality TV show or something.”

“I’m… Tony’s… same. We’re same, so it won’t work. JBJ and I are different,” Gob explains. “We’re different, and I thought since… We’re different and we’re also the same, and he’s…” He’s tripping over his words, but he’s determined to get through his explanation. “I didn’t think it would work, but it does. And Tony is too good a friend. To-- To-- To ruin that would be a… it’d be a huge mistake. I didn’t… I  _ couldn’t. _ ”

Michael nods a little. “I get it,” He says. “I really do. It’s… you need friends.  _ I _ need friends. I think everyone does.” He clears his throat. “I hate to say this, Gob, but you might have your life a little more put together than I do right now.”

Gob rubs his temples and gets out a bottle of vodka. An hour later, he’s drunkenly dialing Tony’s phone number while Michael mumbles something about shots and swallows an olive whole behind him.

“Gob?” Tony answers the phone, his voice obviously heavy with sleep.

Gob lights up. “Tony! You’re awake!” He presses speakerphone and looks at Michael. “He’s awake!”

“Yeah, I’m…” Tony trails off. “Who are you with?”

“My brother,” Gob explains. “He says I should call you. He says we’re… friend. We’re friends, and friends call each other.”

“Yeah, well, friends don’t call each other at three in the morning unless it’s an emergency,” Tony explains. “So this better be an emergency.”

“It is,” Gob promises. “You don’t hate me, right?”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Michael slurs behind him. “Right?”

“Right,” Tony tells him. “Why would I hate you?”

“Cause I…” Gob hiccups. “I broke up with you before we even dated, and you even stopped all the Sally ‘cause of me, and I was stupid, and I don’t know how to be friends.”

“I…” Tony sighs. “I was disappointed, yeah, but I… I need friends more than I need a boyfriend. And I was a dick to you.”

“Yeah, and you  _ have _ one too.” Gob laughs, and Michael gives him a thumbs up.

Tony laughs awkwardly. “Go to sleep, Gob,” He says. “I’ll talk to you another time.”

Gob tries to hang up but somehow accidentally breaks his phone, and Michael finishes off the bottle of vodka, and they pass out on the floor. The night, overall, is a success.

 

Aside from the killer headache Gob wakes up with, and aside from the fact that Gob’s phone is broken so now he can’t text JBJ. 

He shows up at Josh Abramson’s house with no warning yet again, but this time it’s just because he has no way of issuing one.

“Is JBJ here?” He asks, practically bouncing. Josh sighs, obviously sick of Gob’s shit, but lets him inside anyway.

JBJ is laying face up on his bed, but he shoots up when he hears Gob come in.

“Hey,” Gob says, as good a start as any. “I talked to Tony, and I talked to my brother, and I-- I broke my phone…” He takes a shaky breath. “And now I think I’m ready to talk to you.”

JBJ laughs. “Don’t be so weird, man. No matter what happens, nothing's gonna change between us. If that’s what you’re scared of. I know it’s what I was scared of, but then I realized that’s  bullshit, and you’re my best friend.”

Gob lets out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. “Oh, thank fuck.” He sits down. “I thought it would be weird and change everything because that’s always what happens when-- When you’ve got feelings, or whatever.”

JBJ nods a little, stifling a yawn. “Yeah. Can we not get right into it? I just wanna hang out for a little.”

“Oh!” Gob sits up a little straighter. “Oh, yeah, okay.” He hesitates. “My sister has a campaign thing today. Do you wanna go make out in the front to piss her off?” He sounds a lot more confident than he is, but for some reasons he thinks it will impress JBJ, so he just goes along with it.

“Is that a good idea?” JBJ furrows his eyebrows. “I thought you weren’t cool with your family knowing that you like guys.”

Gob frowns. “It would give them a chance to say shit like, if I was gonna like guys, why not just be a girl.” He bounces his fingers on his thigh. “But also, it’s televised live, so that would be a pretty cool way to come out.”

JBJ bites down on his lip. “I can help you with your family. It’s up to you, though.”

 

_ No scandals. _

_ No scandals. _

_ No scandals. _

_ No-- _

 

“Fuck it,” Gob says decidedly. “Let’s do it.”

 

It’s really just the adrenaline rush that keeps him going. They share a cigarette on the way there and Gob avoids looking at Lindsay until everything starts. JBJ grabs his hand and finds one of the cameras.

That’s when Gob’s nerves start to get the best of him. It’s all a blur, after that. There’s a camera and he’s kissing JBJ and Lindsay is yelling at him and he thinks that someone might have thrown something at him because the next thing he knows he’s back at the model home with JBJ holding an ice pack to his head.

 

“He’s awake!” JBJ calls into the other room, and Gob winces at how loud he is. “Don’t be too mean quite yet.”

Before he can register what’s going on, Michael and Lindsay are basically trampling each other to try and get to him.

“Mom’s gonna be  _ so _ pissed!”

“How could you do that to me, Gob?”

“She’s gonna--”

“--ruined my campaign--”

“--and it’ll be amazing! God, I’d kill to see--”

“-- _ knows _ you’re my brother--”

“Shut up!”

 

They’re the first words out of his mouth, and it’s entirely involuntary. It manages to shut them up, though. Lindsay shrinks back. Michael sits forward. 

“I watched the whole thing live,” He says, smiling a lot more than he should be.

“Shut up,” Gob counters. Michael shuts up.

JBJ hesitantly places his hand over Gob’s. “Can you guys be quiet? He got beat up, remember?”

“I’m sorry,” Lindsay says with a bitter laugh. “Do I know you?”

“I don’t think so.” JBJ smiles. “JBJ, I’m your brother’s f--”

“Boyfriend,” Gob interrupts, and he squints a little when he looks up at JBJ. “Right? Is that alright?”

JBJ furrows his eyebrows, staring at Gob for a second, and then goes back to introducing himself. “Right, then. I’m JBJ, I’m your brother’s boyfriend.”

Lindsay scrunches up her nose and curses under her breath. She pushes away the hand that JBJ extended for her to shake and instead directs her attention to Gob. “Mom and Dad are gonna be  _ pissed.” _ She huffs and grabs her bag on her way out. Michael looks giddy at the prospect of their parents being upset.

“That’s okay, right?” Gob asks JBJ. “The whole boyfriends thing?”

He’s broken down JBJ’s shell, and he’s proud of that. JBJ presses a kiss to his forehead.

“Yeah,” He says. “That’s okay.”

 

**_On the next “Arrested Development,” Michael finally gets to be president once again…_ **

“Not to pull from your unhappiness, or whatever,” Michael tells his brother. “But I think it’s for the best. Besides, Mom doesn’t want you in charge after what happened at Lindsay’s campaign.”

“Selfish Michael,” Gob grumbles, kicking the wall and wincing when he hurts his own foot.

 

**_...but Gob gets something a lot better._ **

JBJ plucks a cigarette out of his boyfriend’s mouth. “Don’t be a hog,” He tells Gob. “Sharing means sharing.”

“Well, yeah, stupid.” Gob scoffs, rubbing his mouth with the back of his hand. “What else would it mean?”

JBJ sighs, exasperated, and rolls over so he can press a quick kiss to Gob’s lips.

“I love you,” Gob says, and he means it.

 

_ {fin} _

 


End file.
